Pride and Prejudice

reflections on the culture war every June

We are nearing the end of Pride month and, here in Chicago, there is a long tradition of hosting a large celebration on the last Sunday of June. Tomorrow’s observance is expected to host an estimated 100,000 people. Meanwhile, various states throughout the U.S. have instituted alternative designations to the month of June, in hopes of delegitimizing the Pride theme and all that goes with it. For example, one governor’s office declared June to be “Faith and Family” month throughout their state.

In recent years, I have witnessed various attempts on the part of conservative Christians to diminish the phenomenon of Gay Pride in our society. Over the past couple of years, I have especially noticed how conservative Christians have tried to condemn Gay Pride by reminding everyone that pride is a vice.

It’s a thin argument, to be sure, because everyone knows there is more than one meaning of the word “pride” and, at least in one instance, it need not be regarded as negative. We say we are proud of someone when they have lived in a way that is good and noble. “Well done! I’m proud of you,” we say when we want someone to know we celebrate them and have a deep level of respect for them, especially when they have faced a difficult situation and come out the other side with a sense of dignity. It’s the contrast between living with a burden of shame versus living with a sense of honor and an affirmation of one’s inherent worth.

In any case, the “Faith and Family” motif is yet another example of a misguided attempt to displace Pride month. For starters, it is not as though straight people own exclusive rights to the ideas of “faith” and “family.” I know this first-hand, because I have gay and queer friends who have a deep and vibrant faith in God. They live exemplary lives and have lovely families that strengthen the communities and organizations to which they belong. When presented with the “Faith and Family” alternative, they would say, “Yes, we believe in that, too—just not in the specific way you mean that excludes our experience of it.”

In any case, all of these attempts on the part of conservative Christians fall flat because they fail to take into account that there is a fundamental shift that takes place in someone’s heart, mind, and spirit when they learn to embrace who they are and come out from under all the shame others have heaped on them (and the shame they may have laid on themselves, too). In Christian terminology, when a gay person comes “out,” it is not unlike the experience of conversion. Suddenly, your eyes are opened by an encounter with love…God’s love for you and a newfound love you can have for yourself (and, by extension, for others, too). This encounter with love cannot be taken away or dismissed by a bit of wordplay or even a governmental mandate. There is a deeply rooted sense of intrinsic dignity that cannot be shaken. And any attempts from without to call into question the legitimacy of this freedom to be oneself will only serve as reminders of the importance of affirming one’s own intrinsic worth. The more someone tries to say Pride Month is a bad thing, the more the gay and queer community will underscore the importance of it. All the petty attempts to dismiss it will only reinforce it.

Notice how the very same dynamic is at play for Christians who feel persecuted by our society in various ways. The more you send the message that they are unwanted or illegitimate, the more they will feel reassured in their deeply held convictions.

The only way to break this deadlock is through the path of understanding and the practice of deep listening in the spirit of appreciative inquiry. In particular, this will require an openness on the part of conservative Christians to lay down all the attacks on the LGBTQ community and to look for common ground in hopes of humanizing those who are different than you. People are people. We all tend to want the same things: love, companionship, and understanding. Essentially, all that my friends in the gay and queer community are asking is the freedom to learn and grow and extend compassion to themselves, just like anyone else. They have been hospitable to me (a straight, white, older man) as I have struggled over the years to open my heart and see them as the beloved souls they are. May God grant us all grace to lay down our weapons (big and small) so we may see one another truly. Amen and amen.

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pride and prejudice

reflections by rev. troy cady